What effect does sex addiction have on the family?

As children mature into adults they develop several core beliefs – self-image, how children perceive themselves; relationships, how they perceive their relationship with others; needs, how they perceive their own needs; and sexuality, how they perceive their sexual feelings and needs (Carnes, 2001).  As these views are distorted through either victimization or acting out their sexual behavior, the addict begins to feel abandoned, useless, and neglected.  These feelings begin to manifest to others and family and friends then begin to feel isolated and cut-off (Carnes, 2001).  Not understanding what is going on inside the addict, the family is confused and angry by the addict’s behavior.  They realize the double nature of the addict’s behavior, but they feel helpless and they develop mistrust in their love one.  The addict creates an illusion of having high sexual morality and the family members deny their loved ones sexual immorality because of the high values they project (Carnes, 2001).

Because sexual addiction is a family disease, it should be treated as such.  Current clinical models include the partner or spouse and include the concept of co-addiction or codependency.  Basically, this is simply the spouse or partner of the addict also has a disease.  Like many other addictions, the 12 step model has proven to be an effective form of treatment not only for the sex addict, but for the family as well.  Additionally, because the effect of the addict’s behavior often produces trauma to the family, trauma counseling similar to those for rape victims should also be considered.  The best results would be produced by the combination of 12 step recovery along with working with a professional trained in sexual addictions.

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Reference

Carnes, P. (2001). Out of the shadows: Understanding sexual addiction (3rd ed.). Center City, MN: Hazelden Information & Edu.