Normal and Abnormal Grief

            The definition given for normal on dictionary.com describes it as conforming to a standard and serving to establish a standard.  In Psychology, it refers to being approximately average in psychological traits or personality, or emotional adjustment.  Abnormal would be the opposite – not conforming to a standard, or having unusual psychological traits, or having maladjusted emotional responses.  The standards for both normal and abnormal are set by society, but it is the individual who determines what their natural reactions to grief are, and not society.

            Because we are created in the image of God, we are given His heart and His emotions.  We are given the ability to feel and to think, beyond other members of the animal kingdom.  Grief sets into motion an instinctual biological response to the event causing the grief, but who decides what the person’s normal or abnormal response is?  If they are employing the only coping mechanisms they know, this would be normal for them; but it may be perceived as abnormal by those who are in their social circle.  Sudden unexpected deaths as a result of car accidents, suicides, drowning, etc. can further complicate the grief response and the individual’s personal history and needs, as well as their social circle, have to be considered.  The bereaved person should not be allowed to isolate themselves.  During this time of intense emotional reaction, it is helpful to have others around who can balance the emotions being felt (Freeman, 2005).

            I do believe there is a resolution to every problem, but the resolution relies heavily on the individual.  Moments of crisis come in to all of our lives, and we have to make a decision on how and when to seek a timely resolution to the crisis.  Resolution begins when the individual has made a choice to move forward, and begins to seek complete healing.  In cases of natural death, it is helpful to include survivors in the dying process.  When my father passed away last year, my family was actively involved in the process from the moment he was hospitalized, months in a nursing home, and when he was moved to a Hospice facility.  I also included my children in this process to facilitate healing from the grief they would experience.  I did this because my parents included me in the dying process when my grandparents passed away, establishing a normal method for handling grief.

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Reference

Freeman, S.J. (2005) Grief and loss: Understanding the journey. Belmont, CA: Thomson/Brooks/Cole.