My Perspectives on Sexuality

            To define a perspective on sexuality, a person must first recognize what sexuality means.  Understanding that man is part of a fallen creation, Christians must acknowledge that struggling with sexual nature is a part of the Christian’s sin nature.  Christians as well as non-Christians will fall short of God’s perfect design for sexual wholeness.  To further understand sexuality, it is important to understand our purpose should be to achieve authentic sexuality.  Authentic sexuality involves being “real, genuine, believable and trustworthy” (Balswick & Balswick, 2008, p. 14).  By embracing sexuality in one’s self and seeking God’s purpose in their lives, Christians can strive to fulfill God’s perfect design.

Intimacy

            While researching the definition for intimacy, many variations can be found.  One definition from Dictionary.com is, “a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another person or group.”  Being intimate involves joining one’s life with another’s, blending souls, and sharing hearts.  Humans were designed by God to be intimate with one another.  When God created Adam, He realized that it was not good for him to be alone and he created Eve to be his partner, to have an intimate relationship with him (Genesis 2:18-25).  As we have progressed through time, the understanding of the real meaning of intimacy has become clouded and distorted to fit the individual’s own definitions for intimacy (Balswick & Balswick, 2008).

            Man was created to be in fellowship with God and with one another, and it is clear that any activity beyond this intimate bond can produce undesired results.  Having healthy intimate bonds with others is a God given desire.  These desires include emotional, physical, sexual, and spiritual desires (Laaser, 2002).  When issues regarding abandonment, invasiveness, a lack of covenant with another, and a lack of a relationship with Christ are present, these desires are left unmet and people seek other methods to fulfill them (Laaser, 2002).

            Having a healthy intimate relationship with others produces a healthy view of oneself.  Intimacy is often associated with sex and the precursors of having a union of body, mind, and soul with another if often overlooked in today’s society.  Intimate relationships established through authentic sexuality produces physical, emotional, and intellectual openness which will become the foundation for understanding self (Balswick & Balswick, 2008).  To move beyond our personal safety zone and to honestly express ourselves we have to build a spiritual union of trust and intimacy.  Having this intimacy will move us toward interweaving our lives with others and awareness of ourselves and others (Balswick & Balswick, 2008).

Abstinence

            Mentioning abstinence in today’s culture produces a variety of responses.  Abstinence is defined as any self-restraint, self-denial, or forbearance.  In the context of sexuality, abstinence refers to not engaging in premarital sex.  While sexual feelings are very powerful, a person has a clear choice about how they engage in sexual behaviors.  Understanding what it means to be sexual produces the need for guidelines in order to follow a standard of sexual abstinence (Balswick & Balswick, 2008).  In the United States, Balswick & Balswick (2008) identify four premarital sexual standards: sexual abstinence, double standard, permissiveness with affection, and permissiveness without affection.  While sexual abstinence is the desired standard, the majority of singles today report not remaining abstinent (Balswick & Balswick, 2008).

            Permissiveness with affection refers to the idea that consensual sexual intercourse between two adults is acceptable when they are in love with each other and have committed themselves to each other.  Troubles arise when partners begin to change their standards of who they are in love with and why they are in love with them.  Many singles today view this belief as acceptable, but they may also extend this belief to several relationships simultaneously (Balswick & Balswick, 2008).  When singles view sexual intercourse to be a casual or recreational experience, they are said to be permissive without affection.  Serious consequences can result from this belief to include sexually transmitted diseases, AIDS, and psychological and emotional damage.  The potential for emotional damage associated with having multiple recreational sexual partners is immeasurable (Balswick & Balswick, 2008).  The double standard refers to acceptable sexual behaviors for one gender while the same behavior is unacceptable for another gender.  Generally, this refers to sexual behavior by men is more acceptable than women who engage in the same behavior (Balswick & Balswick, 2008).

            God’s design for sexuality does not produce feelings of guilt, shame, depression, and dissatisfaction in healthy relationships.  Remaining abstinent allows for the basics of relationships to be built upon step by step, culminating in the ultimate bond of intimacy, sexual intercourse.  Dr. Hager (2002) describes 12 steps of bonding: eye to body, eye to eye, voice to voice, hand to hand, arm to shoulder, arm to waist, face to face, hand to head, hand to body, mouth to breast, hand to genitals, and genital to genital.  When these steps are followed slowly and in order, they culminate the bonding experience between couples.

            The case for abstinence is strongly placed within the context of marriage throughout the Scriptures.  Perhaps the greatest example of this is the example given by the apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 6:15-17 when he describes the union of two people becoming one flesh is comparable to bonding oneself with the spirit of Christ.  Remaining abstinent until partners have a clear definition of self allows for maturity to develop in a relationship which allows for better decision making and increased intimacy (Balswick & Balswick, 2008).  When two people love one another and have made a covenant commitment to each other, they are in a better position to make mature decisions about their relationship.

Practicing Healthy Sexuality

            Practicing healthy sexuality involves understanding the relationship between the biological, sociocultural, and spiritual factors that contribute to authentic sexuality.  While biological factors may contribute to a person’s sexuality, sexual behavior is also influenced by social factors.  The five senses of touch, sight, smell, taste, and sound are all ingrained on the brain’s cerebral cortex but have varying cultural meanings (Balswick & Balswick, 2008).  For each of the senses, there is a corresponding cultural meaning.  As people develop, they give meanings to these senses and how they relate to their sexuality.  As the senses become more developed and sophisticated, the responsibility for maintaining control of these senses becomes increasingly important.  The ability to make decisions about sexual behavior and motivations leads us to be responsible for our actions (Balswick & Balswick, 2008).

            Because of sociocultural influences, humans are not just responsive beings but willing participants in developing their own sexuality.  Culturally, boys have been given less restrictions over their sexuality than girls.  Boys are encouraged to explore their sexuality while girls have been encouraged to be more conservative with their approach to sexuality.  We learn through our culture what is sexually pleasing and we associate sexual meanings to various stimuli and behavior.  The primary role of sociocultural influences on sexuality is to determine the meaning of sexuality to the individual (Balswick & Balswick, 2008).  Because of this, the dominant attitudes toward sex are key factors in determining the sexuality of the individual.  Cultures attempt to control the expression in a variety of ways whether it involves clothing, behavior, or media influences.  In many cultures, women are thought to have a more powerful sexual influence than men.  If women were not encouraged to suppress some of their sexuality, it could lead to chaos and men would be defenseless against the woman’s sexuality (Balswick & Balswick, 2008).  As a result of these types of beliefs, women begin to internalize their view of sexuality as powerful but shameful and men internalize an attitude that they have little control over their sexual behavior (Balswick & Balswick, 2008).

            Men and women are created as spiritual beings in the image of God to have an intimate personal fellowship with each other and with God (Nelson, 2002).  While it may be shocking for some to consider sexuality and spirituality to be integral in healthy sexuality, the Bible affirms sexuality.  Both sexuality and spirituality can be approached as either contradictory or affirming.  They are integral in the creative plan of God and sexual fulfillment was intended by God to be the pinnacle of the relationship between man and woman (Balswick & Balswick, 2008).  People lacking in spirituality often find themselves in stagnating relationships with themselves, others, and God.  Wondering why God has abandoned them and believing they are victims of life, they lack energy and passion for God but expect Him to do miracles in their lives.  The Bible affirms sexuality, but society adopts an attitude of sexual oppression.  Both of these approaches deny the truth of spirituality and sexual wholeness (Balswick & Balswick, 2008). 

Developing Intimacy

Intimacy is developed through body language, physical behavior, gestures, and oral and written language to let others know how we feel (Balswick & Balswick, 2008).  Sexuality and spirituality are vital to intimacy and it brings harmony and respect to decrease the effects of differences between people.  Because sexuality and spirituality has such a tremendous potential for glorifying God, they should be treated as “holy ground” (Rosenau, Taylor, McCluskey, & Sytsma, 2002).  God created sex to help us experience sanctity, intimacy, and fun as a gift for all.  It is about growing the marital relationship and satisfying a relationship with Christ and our spiritual relationship with God is directly tied to the act of love-making and imitating the attributes of God (Rosenau, Taylor, McCluskey, & Sytsma, 2002).

The act of sex is more than just a one-dimensional act; the goal is to become intimately and deeply connected to another by being vulnerable and accepted.  The fruit of the Spirit is reflected and we experience a child-like faith in another by facing issues of self-esteem and pride (Rosenau, Taylor, McCluskey, & Sytsma, 2002).  Couples must devote time to connecting with each other to get past the hurts of the past and to become more intimate and develop passion in the relationship.

To enjoy intimacy, one should embrace sensual desire and arousal by making mental preparations and separating enjoyment from guilt.  Time should be set aside for love-making and the appropriate mood should be set.  God has given believers permission to enjoy the physical and sexual appetite and couples should be open to sensuality by focusing on the moment and being vulnerable with their partner.  God intended married couples to become one flesh and it’s in His perfect design for us to have intimate sexual encounters within marriage (Rosenau, Taylor, McCluskey, & Sytsma, 2002).

Conclusion

            Developing sexuality is more than participating in sexual acts.  It is a union created by God that satisfies creative and relational needs in our lives.  Healthy sexuality involves being honest and genuine and seeking God’s purpose in our lives.  Intimacy involves having a close personal relationship with another person and developing and satisfying emotional, physical, sexual, and spiritual desires.  Practicing intimacy and healthy sexuality involves having a close and personal relationship with God and others.

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References

Balswick, J. K., & Balswick, J. O. (2008). Authentic human sexuality: An integrated Christian approach (2nd ed.). Downers Grove, IL: IVP Academic.

Hager, D. (2002). Sexual biology and good health [Video file].

Laaser, M. (2002). The seven desires: The roots of healthy relationships [Video file].

Nelson, T. (2002). Sexuality: A biblical perspective [Video file].

Rosenau, D., Taylor, D., McCluskey, C., & Sytsma, M. (2002). Passionate intimacy: Sexual response during love making [Video file].