Sexuality and Cohabitation

            I truly believe whether the church is succeeding or failing when it comes to guiding singles on matters of sexuality and cohabitation is a matter of which church a single person chooses to attend.  Because of a combination of culture and hormonal development, remaining celibate before marriage is a difficult practice in today’s society.  Not only are singles confronted with a culture that promotes suggestive messages involving sexuality, but each individual has very powerful sexual feelings.  Singles have to remember that although these feelings are powerful, and they are bombarded by suggestive messages, they have the power of choice and an even more powerful God to support them.  Many churches today, unfortunately, do not address the topic of singles, sex, and cohabitation before marriage.

            Sexual abstinence, a double standard when it comes to sexuality, being permissive with affection, and being permissive without affection are premarital sexual standards (Balswick & Balswick, 2008).  Sadly, while abstinence is the preferred standard it is not always the behavior reported among singles.  Referring to the Scriptures, we see that sexual intercourse is to take place within the framework of marriage.  Paul even mentions in 1 Corinthians that when two people become one flesh, it is comparable to uniting themselves with the spirit of Christ (6:15-17).  Considering one’s motives for premarital sex should help singles understand the reasons for engaging in such behavior.  The church’s duty in this is to educate singles in the biblical foundations for sexual relationships while taking in to account the spiritual battles being faced by singles on a daily basis.  Educating singles and even using some basic psychology to help singles identify their motives can bring about changes in attitude and behavior and focus on the ultimate goal: a healthy relationship with Christ produces a healthy relationship with self and others.

            I feel fortunate that in the area I live in it seems several churches have adopted this approach.  Many churches advertise divorce care classes and singles events on their signs and websites.  Celebrate Recovery is also very active in my area and singles struggling with issues involving their hurts, habits, and hang-ups can fellowship with others who are struggling with similar situations.  I do believe the church as a whole should take a stronger stance and more proactive role in teaching singles the biblical basis for remaining abstinent and not cohabitating before marriage.  I also believe, however, the responsibility lies with the single who has the power of choice and prayer.

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Reference

Balswick, J. K., & Balswick, J. O. (2008). Authentic human sexuality: An integrated Christian approach (2nd ed.). Downers Grove, IL: IVP Academic.